Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
