ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
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