he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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