I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
