maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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