if i died would you start the facebook group?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
