Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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