Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
