break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I need to align my fucking chakras
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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