remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
