I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
