85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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