toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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