You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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