If i come over, it means nothing
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
