I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dignity is for republicans.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
