The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
