someone get that fucking seahorse.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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