when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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