You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
