i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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