we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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