i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
