i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
