my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
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