Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
