i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
