Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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