Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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