I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
