I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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