I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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