Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
my shit smells like andre
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
