the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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