just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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