dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
