nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
MIDGETS
????
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
