she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
