Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
