you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
