No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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