yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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