One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
