I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
