I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
