i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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