1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
