apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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