I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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