so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
