shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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