Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
