Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
