i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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