I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
