oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
