I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
