you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Why did my mother make you get naked?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
