So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
