Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize