I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
