she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
