I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
