I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
