Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
