Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
