Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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