I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
