were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
