I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
