he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
